Monday, 17 August 2015

Uberman or Polyphasic Sleeping

Nightly 8-Hour Sleep Isn't a Rule. It's a Myth.
Different sleep habits are just as valid, and maybe even preferable.
Ray Williams on Mar 03, 2014 in Wired for Success

We’ve been told by health experts, and it’s conventional wisdom, that we should sleep between seven and eight continuous hours a day as an adult. Yet, the assumption that an eight-hour block of sleep is the ideal or norm may be a myth.

Numerous studies have been published concerning the dangers of lack of sleep, to our brain and general health and longevity. In just one recent example, scientists have found that sleep allows our brains to clean themselves of toxins (link is external).

Yet, the insistence that "monophasic" sleep, with eight hours of continuous nightly rest, is the necessary way to refresh ourselves not only creates stress for people who are unable to achieve that goal, but ignores other common variations in sleep patterns, and historical precedent as well.

Everyone is different," says Matt Bianchi, director of the sleep division at Massachusetts General Hospital (link is external). "Some people drink caffeine and get a rush while others don’t. One person might be fitted for polyphasic sleep [sleeping in short multiple blocks throughout the day], but someone else gets sleepy and crashes their car.”

We're familiar with the stories of polyphasic sleepers such as Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla, Buckminster Fuller and Margaret Thatcher, who got along fine with as little as four hours sleep each night, but little attention is paid to such sleep cycles today.

Consider these underexplored variations on daily sleep:

* The Biphasic Schedule: Two three-to-four-hour sleeps with an hour of awake time in the middle.

* The Dymaxion Sleep Schedule: 30-minute “naps” every 6 hours.

* The Uberman Schedule: Six 30-minute naps per day.

* The Everyman Schedule: A daily three-hour sleep plus three 20-minute naps.

          Polyphasic Sleep - What is it?


          Uberman Sleep Schedule


All of these alternative sleep schedules are linked to evolution and history. A 2007 report from the Journal of Sleep (link is external), for example, found that the majority of animals on earth sleep on polyphasic schedules.

Most people in advanced countries today follow monophasic sleep cycles, or try to, but advocates of polyphasic sleep argue that their approaches trick the body into entering REM sleep more quickly, making the total length of sleep time less of an issue. Critics of monophasic sleep also argue that eight-hour sleep schedules just don’t account for individual differences. For example, it's believed that as much as three percent of the population can survive on only a few hours of sleep per night without ill effects.

History yields valuable insights regarding sleep. According to some recent research, until the age of electricity many people slept in two segments. They would wake up in the night for an hour or two, then return to sleep for another block of time. “The dominant pattern of sleep, arguably since time immemorial, was biphasic,” says Roger Ekirch, a sleep historian at Virginia Tech University and author of At Day’s Close: Night in Times Past (link is external). "Humans slept in two four-hour blocks, which were separated by a period of wakefulness in the middle of the night lasting an hour or more. During this time, some might stay in bed, pray, think about their dreams or talk with their spouses. Others might get up and do tasks or even visit neighbors before going back to sleep.”

References to “first sleep” or “deep sleep,” and “second sleep” or “morning sleep” abound in historical legal depositions, works of literature, and other pre-Industrial era archival documents. Gradually, during the 19th century, references to segmented sleep disappeared, Ekirch says, "and now people call it insomnia.”

Electric light at night now disrupts our circadian clock. The body reacts to bright light the same way it does to sunshine; too much can stop it from releasing melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep.

In the 1990s, sleep scientist Thomas Wehr (link is external) discovered that most people will sleep biphasically when subjected to natural patterns of light and dark, supporting Ekirch’s findings.

Yet this research struggles to gain a wider audience. In an article in Psychiatric Times (link is external), Brown Medical School psychiatrist Walter Brown writes: “The general public seems to regard seven-to-eight hours of unbroken sleep as a birthright; anything less means that something is awry. Sleep specialists share this assumption.”

In other words, if you wake up in the middle of the night, don’t worry about it. “Waking up after a couple of hours may not be insomnia,” Wehr says. “It may be normal sleep.”

Ekirch adds, “If people don’t fight it, they’ll find themselves falling asleep again after one hour.”

Instead, many people who wake up in the middle of the night today automatically become anxious about not sleeping or reach for sleeping pills.

Our modern society, with its many stimuli, and an environment full of light, has partially created this hysteria about sleep, and combined with the myth that an 8-hour block of continuous sleep is essential, does all of us a disservice. Don’t forget about the well-documented benefits of incorporating naps into your day.


How Sleeping 6 Times a Day Helped the Founder of
“WordPress” Build a Billion-Dollar Company

Source:  What The Sleep Habits Of WordPress’s Founder
                 Can Tell Us About Success In Startups
             April 9, 2015 | Posted by Rachel Gillevet

I think we all know on one level or another that our sleep habits have a direct impact on how we perform in both our personal and professional lives. Too much sleep, and we’re dim, slow, and sluggish. Too little, and we’re ineffective and irritable.

There’s gotta be a middle ground somewhere – but many of us seem more or less incapable of finding it, instead slogging through our day on a mixture of willpower and entirely too much caffeine.

Not Matt Mullenweg. As the founder of WordPress – which powers more than 20% of the world’s websites – and Automattic – now valued at over a billion dollars, he’s among the tech industry’s most successful and influential entrepreneurs. And he also makes no secret about the fact that he naps. A lot. 

Six times a day, as a matter of fact.

During the early days of the company, Mullenweg operated on something known as the Uberman Sleep Schedule. While most people are monophasic sleepers – that is, they sleep once a day – Mullenweg’s a polyphasic sleeper. Rather than hitting the hay at night and waking up in the morning, he gets all his sleep through a strict schedule of naps.

Polyphasic sleeping is not a new concept,” notes Youth Health Mag. “People in Spain have been doing it religiously for many years. In fact, they have one of the longest lunches in the world, as workers usually spend a good amount of their time lounging, resting, and napping after their lunchtime meal.”

Mullenweg’s far from the only business leader to nap, either, nor is he the only one who follows the Uberman technique. Other noteworthy Ubermen include Leonardo Da Vinci and Thomas Jefferson, along with Tim Ferriss, best-selling author of The Four Hour Workweek. All pretty successful, no?

Now, it’s worth noting that Mullenweg no longer follows Uberman sleep. Since starting a new relationship, he’s back to regular sleep habits like all the rest of us. Even so, he points to his Uberman period as one of his all-time most successful.

The time when I was following the Uberman Technique was probably one of the most productive periods of my life,” explained Mullenweg in an interview with Ferriss. “I wrote WordPress in that time.”

The Power Of A Good Nap

Of course, the Uberman sleep schedule can be incredibly risky, even if it does increase your waking hours. Not only is it incredibly difficult to adapt to, prolonged lack of sleep can cause lasting physical and psychological damage. For those of us who dont quite feel like playing Russian Roulette with our sleep habits, there’s another solution – naps.

Hear me out.

See, there’s this stigma in the western world about napping. The general idea is that, if you regularly take naps, you’re lazy; you’re unproductive and more or less useless. Mullenweg and others like him are proof positive that this notion couldn’t be further from the truth.

Some people don’t need sleep, but I actually need a ton,” Mullenweg admitted in the interview. “I just sleep all the time, catching naps in the afternoon or a 20-minute snooze in the office…Sometimes I’ll go out at night, come home from the bar at 2 or 3am, and then go back to work.”

And again, Mullenweg is hardly the only entrepreneur with polyphasic sleep habits.

I do a lot of very mediocre stuff, but once in a while I come up with a really good idea,” said Hubspot CEO Brian Halligan to Business Insider. “Maybe I’ll come up with two in a month. Those two inevitably happen when I’m falling into a nap, coming out of a nap, or waking up slowly on a Saturday morning.”

According to research from The Journal of Sleep, even something as simple as a ten minute power nap in the afternoon can work wonders for both focus and productivity.

Closing Thoughts

Success in the startup world demands both great efficiency and boundless energy. Those are hard to come by when you’re dragging yourself through your day in a sleep-deprived haze. Napping could be the perfect solution – it could be just what you need to succeed.

Everyone’s sleep needs are different, of course. What worked for Mullenweg might not necessarily work for you (and vice versa). The trick is finding something that fits you specifically, and sticking to it.

Become Uberman & Sleep like Da Vinci:
The Polyphasic Sleep Cheat Sheet

A College Student & Polyphasic Sleep:
The Who, What, Where, Why, and How
http://markocalvocruz.com/2015/07/polyphasic/


Tuesday, 7 July 2015

How can I improve my English speaking skills?


Superior communication skills can better your chances for success in attaining your educational goals, success in achieving you professional or business goals. There are several skills related to communication but speaking is the most frequently used skill. Speaking is used twice as much as reading and writing in our communication.

These techniques will help you speak with confidence.

  • Speak out loud.
    The best way to improve your language skills is by speaking the language.  There is no substitute for practicing with real people.
  • Develop intrapersonal communication.
    Think in English. Talk to yourself in English in your mind. Plan your day in English. Talk about things you see in English. For instance, talk about the weather while walking on the road.
    e.g.:  “Oh, It’s so hot today. Should have brought umbrella to avoid the scorching sun. The road is so narrow and dirty. Who puts all this trash on the road? I hope I reach office on time today. Why isn’t the bus coming?  Been standing here for so long.”
  • Try to imitate/emulate/reproduce/mirror/copy the speakers you admire.
    Listen to speech or dialogues and repeat it out loud. Repeat it until you feel satisfied. It will be fun and when you do it frequently, you will start enjoying it. This will help mouth, lips and vocal chords get into action. This will also help in losing the mother tongue influence and gaining good pronunciation.
  • Watch News. Journalists are very good communicators.
    The  news channels try to be succinct because more words costs them more  money. Observe the choice of words of the journalists, guests, experts,  correspondents who try to put forth their argument in a convincing and  persuasive manner. Observe how they present a story in a structural  manner.
  • Pick a topic to talk about.
    Pick  any topic and start speaking. Talk about the articles you read. Express  your thoughts on issues like Deforestation, Climate Change, World  Hunger and Poverty, Global Warming, Global Financial Crisis, Human  Population, Environmental Issues, etc with your friends. You can even  talk about your morning.
  • Paint a picture with your words.
    Go to flickr and describe the photograph to your friend. Try to paint the picture  with your words. Speak about the contents of the picture, the expression  of the people. What do you feel when you see the picture? Does it  remind you of something? Try to express yourself.
  • Watch the TV shows you like.
    Watch  television shows like Seinfeld (any show you like; I am just a big fan  of seinfeld) with subtitles to see how the thoughts are expressed  effectively and concisely in humorless or humorous manner. Watch  anything you enjoy. It is important that you enjoy what you are  watching. Observe the body language, emotions and expressions in  connection with the speech or dialogues.

These are some of the best comedy shows:-
       For people who like to watch documentaries:-  Top Documentary Films.



  • Read more.
    Exercising  without having food will not be helpful. Think of reading and listening  as input to your brain and speaking and writing as output from your  brain. So get more input to your brain by reading and listening.
    Read from a variety of topics, genre and authors. Don’t restrict yourself to a single author or topic.
  • Learn, Apply and Improvise.
    There  are always three steps involved in the process. Learn, Apply and  Improvise. So by reading and watching you will learn but you have to  apply what you learn by speaking and listening to real people. And when  you start applying what you learn frequently you try to improvise.  That’s the way to improve.
  • Speak Online.
    If you do not have anyone in your vicinity to practice your speaking, use the website SpeakAlley.com to speak online with other learners. I have started adding English  vocabulary to the website to help learners improve their vocabulary.
    The  way anything is developed is through practice, practice and more  practice. Keep practicing. Tomorrow’s victory is today’s practice.



More Answers from Quora:-

**  In order to start speaking, you need to start speaking.

**  Luis M. Gonzalez, 269 upvotes by Quora User
This answer is not comprehensive at all, but a complement to what others said here.

1) No matter your English level, just talk! This may sound stupid, but it's not. When learning a language (as well as other skills) perfectionism is sometimes an obstacle. Becoming fluent comes with practice, there's no other way, and FLUENCY IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN ACCURACY (this point is extremely important).

2) Avoid stammering at all cost. There's nothing more annoying to a native speaker than hearing someone stammering or pausing while trying to find the correct word in his head. It's much better to make mistakes (as long as the message is delivered) than being correct but annoying.

Think about Tarzan in the movies. He speaks like, well, as Tarzan. But we all understand him! Making yourself clear is your most important goal. It doesn't matter if you do it as Tarzan. Search for perfection later.

Imagine you are a bar tender and someone tells you "me need beer". It's an awfull English, but it's effective. This guy already achieved his first goal.

Every language has a subset of roughly 300 words that are needed to communicate effectively with others. Anyone can learn them in a very short period of time.

Perfection comes with a lot of reading, listening and practice. I'm afraid you need time for this. There's no fast track. You can have a very good English level, academically correct and even elegant by only reading and listening a lot.

But full perfection comes with full immersion. That means, living with people that only speaks English for a considerable length of time.

My experience:
As you may have noticed, my English is far from perfect, but I never, ever had a problem while travelling and working around the world.

I had a couple years of formal education (about three hours a week) while in primary school but I wasn't very interested in studying). It was at the age of 15 when I became a fan of martial arts and started reading "Black Belt", and American magazine.

In Buenos Aires, in 1985, it wasn't easy to find those magazines, so I would read each issue a thousand times at least. Reading repeatedly one unknown word over and over again, makes you try to look up its meaning. This is how I learned almost all I know, on my own.

10 years later, I travelled for the first time to an English speaking country. I visited Boston for a month with the excuse of getting into an intensive English course.

I was nervous because I thought my English sucked, but soon after my arrival, I was having a conversation with a taxi driver. It was Ike "hey! I can do it!".

To make the story short: I got bored in class, and I was so excited of being in Boston, a new city, a new culture, that I spent the whole month going out, having fun and meeting people. It was the best thing that could have happened to my English. My confidence skyrocketed.

I learned a few things from this experience...
I used to make pauses while talking, trying to figure out the correct word in order to be accurate, and people seemed to get impatient with me. It happened a few times until someone directly told me that it was annoying.

Then I learned that being succinct is extremely important.

Every sentence has a subject and a verb. If you are in trouble, just think about your subject and your verb. Forget about conjugation or time verbs, just do it the TARZAN WAY (I'll get the registered trade mark for this soon :-), and you'll be ok. Next time you'll do it better.

If you are lost in a city and you are about to lose your flight, you need to get there fast and you don't know how to, what do you do?

Just find someone and say "taxi, airport".

I travelled to china 3 times for work, and I had a piece of paper with a few critical words written down, of course, just their pronunciation.

Believe me, I moved around like a fish in the water...

P.D.:
By the way, if you like TV comedies, I highly recommend watching "Seinfeld" in English (and if possible, with English subtitles).

Why? Simply because these characters talk in an unusual way for TV. They all talk very clearly and with an excellent pronunciation.

Besides, this show is an excellent way to get used to common idioms of every day talking.

I believe this is probably the way most comedies do on TV. I wonder why it sounds so different than movies or other shows...


Related Questions from Quora:-


Monday, 15 June 2015

Sultan of Johor: "English, the universal currency."

The Star, By Wong Chun Wai And Nelson Benjamin                                                    June 12, 2015
http://www.thestar.com.my/News/Nation/2015/06/12/English-the-universal-currency/

Sultan Ibrahim Ibni Almarhum Sultan Iskandar is known to be an outspoken advocate of English-medium education. Meeting with scholarship recipients recently, he asked them point blank whether their English fluency was good enough for them to deserve the awards. He is also fond of equating the English language to the US dollar, saying “it’s accepted everywhere and used everywhere, even in countries where the people don’t speak English well.”

English advances and unites
Q: Tuanku, in your address at the opening of the Johor State Legislative Assembly recently, you suggested that Malaysia should adopt Singapore’s education policy that uses English as a medium of instruction, especially to forge unity. Could you elaborate??

A: Singapore is our closest neighbour. We don’t have to go very far; we should emulate them as the island republic has achieved development way ahead of us.

Let’s be honest with ourselves. Singapore has done well as a country. Their students have fared very well in Mathematics and Science. The prominent use of English has set them ahead of us.

We shouldn’t kid ourselves. We have politicians in Malaysia who are in self-denial or choose to play politics with education. They want to be heroes of their races. They talk about nationalism but at the end, do they send their children to boarding schools in Australia and the United Kingdom to learn in Malay medium?

I also know of so-called Chinese educationists who champion Chinese education, even insisting non-Mandarin speaking teachers should not be allowed to teach in Chinese primary schools. These are the extremists. I know one such leader had tertiary education in Western countries. We have many such hypocrites.

One thing that we can learn from Singapore is their way of forging national unity via their education system. The use of English as a medium of instruction has been effective in the development of the country and uniting their people regardless of race or religion.

English schools are neutral grounds. We used to have such schools in Malaysia until it was changed. Was there any problem then?

The proficiency of English is bad among children, and our children do not mix among themselves. The Malays go to national schools where the Chinese feel alienated, while the Indians go to Tamil schools. Where is the unity?

Then some people also want Chinese and Indian universities. All this is driving the races apart. Yet we say we are all 1Malaysia. Unfortunately, I see all this as 5Malaysian.

The richer Malaysians send their children to private and international schools where English is the medium of instruction. So, who says there are no English-medium schools? But they are only available to the middle and upper-middle class from urban areas.

So, soon we will also have a class issue. This is all due to the myopic planning and thinking of our politicians.

For me, education is the foundation to create the country’s future generation.

As such, I hope Johoreans will start to open up their minds. I have sent the signals across and I hope they start thinking now with regard to the country’s education system and are willing to change for the benefit of the people and long-term development.

I am confident if we have an education system based on a single stream for students from a young age, we will be able to create a community which is more harmonious and can work together to face challenges in the future.

Anyway, we can also teach Bahasa Malaysia in schools as it is the country’s national language. You can still have English as the medium of instruction but BM and Chinese or Tamil are compulsory.

Don’t forget, when English was used as a medium of instruction in schools in the 1950s and 1960s, a pass in BM was compulsory. Even a pass in Mathematics was compulsory to pass the Form 3 exam but now you don’t even have to pass your Maths test!



Sultan of Johor speaks his mind                           March 18, 2015
http://www.thestar.com.my/News/Nation/2015/03/18/Sultan-of-Johor-speaks-his-mind-Ruler-gives-a-special-no-holds-barred-interview-on-a-wide-range-of-t/


Sultan Ibrahim also wants a balanced development
where the people will benefit                                 
March 19, 2015
http://www.thestar.com.my/News/Nation/2015/03/19/Ruler-is-strict-when-conferring-awards/


Thursday, 16 April 2015

Mr Jamie - 創業者需要的啟發

關於 Jamie 
http://mrjamie.cc/
每天早上 5 點到 9 點是我的「網誌時間」,除非真的有無法排開的行程,否則我會把一篇文章寫出來。當然,不是隨便的一篇文章。雖然不能每天都做到,但我的任務是每天一篇能給創業者「啟發」的文章。我把這當做一場試煉,也當作每天的思想舉重。


商業周刊 - 專欄部落格
http://www.businessweekly.com.tw/CBlogList.aspx?Cid=0000000049

Jamie 本名林之晨,現為 AppWorks 之初創投創辦人暨合夥人,正透過 AppWorks Accelerator 創業加速器,全力幫助早期團隊創業,推動台灣成為世界一流的網路產業聚落。至 2014 年底,AppWorks 已經幫助、投資了超過 190 個新創團隊,其中包括:EZTABLE  PubGame 創業家兄弟、  91mai  uitox  iChannels  BuzzOrange  GoodLife  Tagtoo  Urad  Fandora  CHOCOLABS  Mamibuy 等知名網路公司。


創業必讀 文章精選
http://mrjamie.cc/entrepreneurs/

AppWorks 之前,Jamie 曾多次創業 1999 年,當他還是大三學生時,便和同學創辦了 B2C 電腦零售網站哈酷網 (Hotcool.com) 和中文知識管理領導品牌碩網資訊。2006 年,他又在紐約共同創立旅遊社群網站 Sosauce 3D 網頁遊戲製作公司 Muse Games。創業之外,他也曾先後服務於 HSS Ventures 以及 All Asia Partners 等創投公司。他在 All Asia 經手的第一個增資案,就是後來成功掛牌上市的富喬工業。

Jamie NYU Stern School of Business 取得 MBA,主修財務、經濟與創業。在 Stern 時,他和朋友復興了Stern Private Equity & Venture Capital Club,並發起每年一次的大型史騰私募高峰會 ;他也是台灣大學化工學系畢業的工程學士,輔修經濟。在台大時期,他是籃球校隊的一員,也曾在學生議會擔任學生代表。

Jamie 現居住於台北,育有二子,平常的興趣是閱讀、電影、籃球和高爾夫。


Ask Jamie #10: 高三生可以出來創業嗎?
http://mrjamie.cc/2014/02/12/ask-jamie-10/


創業者,請不斷的問自己:我到底幫使用者解決了什麼問題?
http://mrjamie.cc/2013/01/16/solve-a-real-problem/


Monday, 23 March 2015

Remembering Lee Kuan Yew 光耀一生

Documentaries on Singapore & Lee Kuan Yew

Time Nor Tide, Remembering Lee Kuan Yew
光耀一生:建国之路
1. Forging A Nation
2. 10 Men 10 Years Shaping A Nation 1965-1975
3. (Part 1) - Building A Nation                        建国之路
4. (Part 2) - Putting Singapore On The Map  让新加坡登上国际舞台
5. (Part 3) - Public Man, Private Life              人生轶事

Lighter Moments of Lee Kuan Yew
李光耀悼念其夫人的信: 没有她,我会是个不同的人
截至发稿时间(3月18日晚11点30分),李光耀资政病危,病情进一步恶化,目前在重症监护室抢救。为您祈祷,在五十周年庆见证您领导的新加坡五十年的繁荣!
李光耀与爱妻柯玉芝
(李光耀 于李资政夫人葬礼 柯玉芝1920-2010)
古人建立了哀悼的仪式,让家人和朋友表达共有的悲伤,并不对死亡表示畏惧或厌恶,而是对死者的尊敬,及安慰将会想念往生者的还活着的人。我想起了我外婆在约75年前逝世时的哀悼仪式。一连五个晚上,家人聚在一起赞扬她,并在一个专业送葬人的领导下,对她的去世嚎啕和哀悼。人们已经不再遵守这样的仪式。我们的悲伤将以个人对家里的女家长的悼念来表达。
在2003年10月当她首次中风时,我们强烈地感受到人总要面对死亡。
我和妻子自1947年便在一起,超过了我们四分之三的人生。我对她逝世的悲伤非言词所能表达。但今天,回想起我们共度的日子,我要选择歌颂她的人生。
在我们安静的时刻,我们会重温我们的生活和在一起的日子。我们是幸福的。在我们生命的重要转折点,我们得到命运的眷顾。
我是个在前莱佛士学院(Raffles College)的教育被中断的年轻人,没有固定的工作或专长。她的父母并不认为我是合适的女婿。但是她对我有信心。我们相互许下了承诺。
我在1946年9月决定到英国修读法律,她则回到前莱佛士学院,尝试争取每年只颁发两份的女皇奖学金。我们知道只有一名新加坡人能够获得奖学金。我有了所需的资源,因此便乘船前往英国,并希望她在得到奖学金后可以和我会合。如果得不到奖学金,她必须等我三年。
在隔年,也就是1947年6月,她获得了奖学金。但英国殖民地政府却不能为她在剑桥找到一个学位。
通过菲茨威廉学院(Fitzwilliam)的主管书记,我得知我的学监威廉·撒切尔(W S Thatcher)是格顿学院女院长(Mistress of Girton)巴特勒小姐的好朋友。他给我一封介绍信。巴特勒接见了我,我向她保证芝大概会考获“一等荣誉学位”,因为她在前莱佛士学院的表现比我杰出。我到剑桥时迟了一个学期,却以一等的成绩通过第一年的资格考试。她查核了芝的考试成绩,决定在同年10月让她入学。
我们之后便一直相伴。我们在1947年12月于史特拉福(Stratford-upon-Avon)秘密结婚。在剑桥,我们两人都全力以赴。她用了两年时间,考获法科双重第一荣誉学位。我也获得双重第一荣誉学位,名列榜首,但却用了三年时间。我们没有让导师失望。我们的第一荣誉学位让我们在生活上有了好的起步。回到新加坡后,我们同时在马六甲街生意源源不断的黎觉与王律师馆(Laycock & Ong)获得法律助理的职位。然后,为了让父母和朋友满意,我们在1950年9月第二次正式结婚。她从事产权转让和法律起草事务,我则从事诉讼。
我们的大儿子李显龙在1952年2月出生。她拿了一年的产假。同月,律师馆的高级合伙人黎觉,要我处理邮电制服职工联合会的案子。他们正同政府谈判更好的雇佣条件。谈判陷入僵局,他们决定罢工。这是场争取公众支持的战斗。我成功地通过报章和电台,传达了他们的要求的合理性。两个星期后,他们争取到政府的让步。因产假留在家中的芝,改进了我草拟的声明,让它们更简单和清楚。
这些年来,她影响了我的书写方式。现在。我使用简短的句子和主动的语气。在我们彼此适应和包容的同时,我们逐渐影响对方的方式和习惯。我们知道我们不能一直停留在不切实际的恋人的阶段,生活是永无休止的挑战,不断有新的问题需要解决和处理。
我们有了多两个孩子。玮玲在1955年出生,显扬则在1957年出生。在她的教导下,他们行为端正、有礼和能够体谅他人,从不因为父亲是总理而仗势欺人。身为律师,她有足够的收入,让我不用为孩子的将来操心。
她看到我在年轻时没有掌握华语所付出的代价。我们决定把三个孩子都送到华文幼稚园和学校。她确保他们在家里学好英文和马来文。她的培养,为他们在一个多语文的区域生活作好准备。
我们从不因为孩子的养育或钱财上的问题争吵。我们的收入和资产平均拥有。我们是彼此的知己。
她的生活乐趣很简单。我们在黄昏时在总统府的花园漫步,我也打高尔夫球来松懈心情。有了孙子女后,她会带他们到总统府内的池塘喂鱼和天鹅。然后,我们便游泳。她对周遭的环境很感兴趣,比如,许多不同种类的鸟被吃昆虫和植物的八哥和乌鸦赶走了。她发现花园的管理员清除杂草,也喷洒杀虫剂控制蚊子,因此消灭了鸟儿进食的昆虫。她阻止管理员这么做后,那些鸟儿便飞回来了。她把绽放香味的花朵放在游泳池四周,一边游泳一边闻花香让她开心不已。她知道每一种花的一般名称和学名。她对词汇有巨大的吸收能力。
她在前莱佛士学院就读时主修英国文学,并大量地阅读,包括简·奥斯丁(Jane Austen)和托尔金(JRR Tolkien)的著作、修昔底德(Thucydides)的《伯罗奔尼撒战争》(The Peloponnesian Wars)和维吉尔(Virgil)的《埃涅阿斯纪》(Aeneid),还有《牛津食品指南》(The Oxford Companion to Food)、《东南亚的海鲜》(Seafood of Southeast Asia)、《马来亚路边常见树木》(Roadside Trees of Malaya)和《新加坡鸟类》(Birds of Singapore)。
她协助我草拟人民行动党的党章。在1954年11月4日于维多利亚纪念堂召开的首次会议,她召集了创党成员的妻子,为要上台的人缝制徽章。我第一次在丹戎巴葛竞选时,我们在欧思礼路的住家,成为分配由支持者提供的车辆载送选民到投票站的总部。她警告我不可以相信我的新伙伴,也就是由林清祥领导的左派工会人士。对林清祥从未派他们的中学生助手到丹戎巴葛为我助选,却要求使用我的支持者提供来载送丹戎巴葛选民的车辆,她感到愤怒。她有辨识一个人的性格的特殊能力。有时候,她会警告我提防某些人,结果证明她通常是对的。
当我们快要加入马来西亚时,她告诉我我们不会成功,因为巫统的马来领导人有全然不同的生活方式,他们的政治也是以种族和宗教为根本的。我回答说我们必须取得成功,因为我们没有更好的选择。然而,她是对的。我们还不到两年就被迫脱离马来西亚。
当分离近在眉睫时,律政部长巴克负责草拟相关的法律条文。但他没有纳入联邦政府保证遵守公用事业局和柔佛州政府之间的两项水供协定的承诺。我请芝把这加进去。她草拟了这项承诺,作为马来西亚联邦修正宪法的一部分。她用词精准和严谨。这项修正条文成为分离协议的附录,我们并在联合国把它记录在案。
当时的共和联邦大臣亚瑟·巴谭里(Commonwealth Secretary Arthur Bottomley)表示,如果其他联邦要分离,他希望他们的作法能够像新加坡和马来西亚一样有条理。这是对巴克和芝的专业水平的赞赏。每次马来西亚的马来领导人恫言切断水供,这个马来西亚政府在宪法里作出的清楚和庄严的承诺都会让我感到放心,因为联合国安全理事会会站在我们这一边。
第一次中风后,她失去了左边的视野。这影响了她的阅读速度。她学习适应,以一把尺来帮助她阅读。她每天傍晚都游泳,并保持健康。她继续陪我出国,中风后仍维持活跃。她同家人和老朋友保持联系。她听她所收藏的音乐光碟,主要是古典音乐,加上一些经典金曲。她幽默地把生活分成“中风前”和“中风后”,就像“公元前”和“公元后”。
她对同她有交往的人都很友好和关切。她同她的女性保安人员谈笑,并以友善和开朗的方式纠正她们的英文文法和发音。她在国立脑神经医学院时,这些前保安人员前去探访她。我在这里感谢她们。(附录A)
2008年5月12日的第二次中风对她的健康影响更大。在一组杰出的医生、外科医生、治疗师和护士的帮助下(附录B),我鼓励她和为她打气。
她的护士、保安人员和女佣,都因为她的热情和体贴而非常喜欢她。她咳嗽时会用小枕头掩着嘴巴,她担心她们会受到感染。
她的头脑还是清醒的,但声音却变微弱了。我吻她的面颊时,她叫我不要太靠近她,以免感染到她的肺炎。我告诉她不用担心,我的生活活跃,医生说不太可能受到感染。在医院里收到一些桃子后,她吩咐女佣带一个回家让我在午餐时吃。我是她的生活的中心。
2008年6月24日的电脑断层扫描显示,她的右脑再次出血。药物和手术已经没有多大的作用,只能尽量让她感到舒适。
我在2008年7月3日把她带回家。医生估计她只能支撑几个星期。她却在两年三个月后的10月2日才逝世。
她保持清醒。这段时间让我和孩子逐渐接受不可避免的事实。在最后的几个月,她的功能衰退,她不能说话但仍然清醒。她每晚都期待我跟她讲话。
她告诉我她的最后愿望,是吩咐孩子把我们的骨灰放在一起,就像我们生前不分开一样。
她最后两年的生活是最艰难的。在接连的小中风后她卧床不起。她不能说话,但还是清醒的。每晚,她都会等我坐在她身边,告诉她我今天做了些什么和唸她最喜欢的诗。然后,她才会安睡。
对我们在一起的63年,我有珍贵的回忆。没有她,我会是个不同的人,过着完全不同的生活。她为我和我们的孩子奉献一生。我需要她的时候她总是在我身边。她度过了充满温暖和意义的一生。
我应该从她有意义的89年生命中得到安慰。但在这最后告别的时刻,我的心是充满悲伤的。

李瑋玲(李光耀女兒):他們不是一見鍾情,卻是永遠的承諾http://m.cw.com.tw/article/article.action?id=5065637#sthash.4gnW7HBE.ne8dPlLV.dpbs
2010年,李光耀的女兒李瑋玲在新加坡英文媒體《The Sunday Times》的專欄,首度透露父母親終生不渝的愛情故事。同年八月,她又寫了一篇專欄〈很難接受所愛的人受苦〉,陳述自己與父親對母親臥病在床的不忍與痛楚。

《天下》取得新加坡報業控股集團(Singapore Press Holdings Limited)授權,摘錄其中精華部份。  (2010-10-06  天下雜誌 457  /蕭富元整理)

照片上八十幾歲的老夫妻,手勾著手,坐在大紅玫瑰拼成的兩顆同結心型圖案前,笑得好燦爛。

兩年前的情人節,新加坡內閣資政李光耀和妻子柯玉芝,破天荒拍下這張應景情侶照。三個月後,柯玉芝腦中風,從此不能言不能行。上星期,和李光耀結褵六十三年的柯玉芝病逝家中。

柯玉芝是銀行家的女兒,十七歲進入孕育新加坡政商菁英的萊佛士書院,是學校唯一的女生,在校認識小她兩歲的李光耀。柯玉芝是英國劍橋大學法律系高材生,也是高薪的專業律師,卻終生熱愛文學。妻子生病後,李光耀不論多忙,每晚回家,都會為她朗讀莎士比亞的十四行詩,以及她最愛的珍奧斯汀小說。

今年九月,李光耀接受《紐約時報》專訪,談宗教、冥想以及如何照顧病妻,他叱吒亞洲政壇超過五十年,也有無可奈何的時刻。「該怎麼辦?我能做什麼?我不能被打垮,人生還是要繼續下去。」

李光耀夫婦的女兒李瑋玲,是新加坡國立腦神經醫學院院長,專長小兒神經醫學與癲癇。五十五歲的李瑋玲至今保持單身,去年,老爸李光耀談到新加坡生育率太低,有三分之一的男性和女性是單身,「我女兒是其中之一,我能怎麼辦?」

六月,李瑋玲在新加坡英文媒體《The Sunday Times》的專欄,首度透露父母親終生不渝的愛情故事。八月,她又寫了一篇專欄〈很難接受所愛的人受苦〉,陳述自己與父親對母親臥病在床的不忍與痛楚。《天下》取得新加坡報業控股集團(Singapore Press Holdings Limited)授權,摘錄其中精華部份。

我從夢中醒來。看看手錶,凌晨四點。

我想記住這個夢,於是立刻起床寫下來。在夢中,我好像同時在家、又在某個陌生的地方。突然間,一隻怪物出現,要攻擊我。我和怪物搏鬥,但它的力量愈來愈強大。我不出聲,也不覺得怕。

媽媽出現了。她默默走向我們,不屑地揮揮手,妖怪旋即夾著尾巴跑走了。 

這就是媽媽處理問題的態度,毋須贅言冗行,只是沉默有效地做事。就在那時,我醒來了。上樓去母親的房間看她,她睡得很安詳。

永不撤退的精神後勤

媽媽虛弱臥床已有兩年又三個月,在這短暫的夢境裡,我又看到她過去健康的模樣。不論是睡是醒,媽媽在我的夢裡顯奇蹟,我一點也不驚訝,因為我們母女之間,總是能夠靈犀感應。

有一次,我住在哥哥顯龍家,牙刷磨損了,得換一支。我幾乎不逛街購物,於是,就跟往常一樣,告訴媽媽我需要一支新牙刷。我們不住在一起,擔心打電話會吵醒她,所以寫了一封電子郵件給她:「媽,我要一支牙刷。」

她回信給我:「我感應到了,剛剛才拿了一支牙刷要給你。不過總有一天,commissariat 會不在你身邊。如果你不知道這個英文字,去查字典。」

她說中了,我沒聽過這個字,我不知道哥哥家的字典放在哪裡,晚餐席間,我問哥哥。他當然知道,解釋說commissariat是負責軍隊軍需補給的單位(編註:台灣稱為後勤司令部)。

如今,媽媽不再是我的後勤司令了。更糟的是,她也不能做自己最喜歡的閱讀。媽媽興趣廣泛,懂得很多稀奇古怪的事情,只要翻翻她的書架就能一窺究竟。

書架上有幾本新加坡動植物的書,還有一本童謠精裝書,她以前會念這本書給孫輩聽。在她的孫輩中,我那個得白化症的姪子最喜歡和她一起念這本書。

還有幾本講佛教、印度教的書,詹姆士國王欽定版本的大字本聖經,也有很多談印度種姓制度的書,和一本描述印度河谷哈拉帕古城的書。
另有六本馬來辭典、字典,也有一本書談華人習俗和象徵,當然也有很多詩集,包括吉卜齡詩選。媽媽還有一些非常有文化的書,像是《源氏物語》、潘乃德的《菊花與劍》、衫本——稻垣鉞子的《武士的女兒》、珍奧斯汀的小說,還有我小時候非常喜歡的《清秀佳人》。

現在是清晨五點半,我剛剛又去了她的房間,她還在睡。我安慰自己,至少她睡著,對自己不幸的處境不會有知覺。

我試著入睡,卻輾轉難眠,不是因為那個夢,而是想到媽媽艱困的處境。她的三個子女、我的嫂嫂和弟媳、以及母親最疼愛的姪女,對她的困境,有著刻骨銘心的感受。但最痛苦也最堅忍承受的,是我的父親。

人生本有生老病死,我坦然接受生命不仁的事實,我自己也不是一路順遂,卻從無怨尤,我認為痛苦會讓人更堅韌。但我發現,無法接受媽媽正在受苦,佛家說,懷有慈悲心卻無罣礙,是最有智慧的,但是,不幸的事情發生在媽媽身上,很難如此豁達。看她痛苦,我實在無法抽離自己。

不過,我無法再讓她回到○八年五月十二日大中風前的樣子,中風之後,她就一直受苦至今,我父親也是。

這份愛 深淵與深淵相應

我看過一份研究,說外表會影響人的第一印象,但這無法解釋為什麼有的人會彼此偕老,維持長期關係。承諾是維繫這種關係的重要變數。

我的父母就是這種特別的關係。他們當然不是一見鍾情,他們互相吸引的地方,主要也不是外表,而是個性與知性兼具。

他們不只是情侶,更是摯友。他們從不去計算誰在這段關係裡付出比較多,他們是無條件的相愛。

母親○三年第一次中風前,生活以父親為重,照顧他的每一個需求。中風後行動不便,母親顯得格外脆弱。此後父親的生活重心就放在母親身上,即使當時他擔任內閣資政,工作繁忙,在安排自己的工作計劃時,一定會兼顧母親的需要。

他照顧她的健康,強迫她每天游泳運動,並且監督她複雜的醫療用藥過程。他一天會替她量幾次血壓 ,直到我找到陳崇銘醫師,陳醫師發明一種血壓計,可以像手錶一樣戴在手上。隔天,陳醫師來家裡拿手錶血壓計,分析血壓紀錄,母親還跟他說:「我比較喜歡讓我的先生替我量血壓。」

母親第二次中風後,臥病在床,無法陪父親出國或參加社交活動,父親每晚回家,都會花一兩個小時陪母親,告訴她一天生活,並大聲朗讀她最愛的詩給她聽。

父親把又厚又重的詩集放在一個大型樂譜架上。有一晚,他在朗讀時睡著了,猛然往前一點,撞到金屬做的譜架,臉上多處擦傷。他罵自己不小心,還是繼續為母親大聲朗讀。

一見鍾情固然罕見,通常也難持久。我父母的愛情也難能可貴,他們是彼此的靈魂伴侶,美滿的婚姻持續超過六十年。

但他們從來不公開示愛,連在私底下,也很少擁抱、親吻。母親第二次中風後,我第一次看到父親親吻母親額頭安慰她。他們似乎不需要用戲劇化的肢體語言來表達愛情。

我很崇拜父親對新加坡所做的一切,即使高齡八十七歲,他仍為新加坡的利益到處奔走。他如此悉心照料母親,我對他更加崇敬,因為在過去那痛苦的兩年多,我親眼目睹他是那麼全心全意地奉獻母親。