By Travis Bradberry / Inc. | Feb.
12, 2016
Source: http://motto.time.com/4117921/emotional-intelligence-signs/
Emotional intelligence is a huge driver of success
When emotional intelligence (EQ)
first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar
finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70
percent of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held
assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.
Decades of research now point to
emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers
apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90 percent of
top performers have high emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the
“something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage
behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve
positive results.
Despite the significance of EQ, its
intangible nature makes it difficult to measure and to know what to do to
improve it if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated
test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book, but
unfortunately, most such tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the
million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors
that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. What follows are sure signs that you have
a high EQ.
1. You have a robust emotional vocabulary
All people experience emotions, but
it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research
shows that only 36 percent of people can do this, which is problematic because
unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices
and counterproductive actions.
People with high EQs master their
emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of
feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply
feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel
“irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your
word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what
caused it, and what you should do about it.
2. You’re curious about people
It doesn’t matter if they’re
introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about
everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most
significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and
what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.
3. You embrace change
Emotionally intelligent people are
flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is
paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for
change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action
should these changes occur.
4. You know your strengths and weaknesses
Emotionally intelligent people
don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good at and what they’re
terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both
situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you
know your strengths and how to lean into and use them to your full advantage
while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.
5. You’re a good judge of character
Much of emotional intelligence
comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what
they’re about, and understand what they’re going through. Over time, this skill
makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You
know what they’re all about and understand their motivations, even those that
lie hidden beneath the surface.
6. You are difficult to offend
If you have a firm grasp of who you
are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat.
Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which
creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other
people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between
humor and degradation.
7. You know how to say no (to yourself and others)
Emotional intelligence means
knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification and avoid impulsive
action. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco,
shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are
to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is a major
self-control challenge for many people, but “No” is a powerful word that you
should unafraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent
people avoid phrases such as “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying
no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the
opportunity to successfully fulfill them.
8. You let go of mistakes
Emotionally intelligent people
distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By
keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to,
they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined
self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering.
Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while
forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to
balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement.
This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.
9. You give and expect nothing in return
When someone gives you something
spontaneously, without expecting anything in return, this leaves a powerful
impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation with
someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up
with the book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong
relationships because they are constantly thinking about others.
10. You don’t hold grudges
The negative emotions that come
with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about
the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that
forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat.
When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but
when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on
your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact,
researchers at Emory
University
11. You neutralize toxic people
Dealing
with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. But high-EQ
individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their
feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the
situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and don’t allow anger or
frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person’s
standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things
completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic
person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.
12. You don’t seek perfection
Emotionally
intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that
it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When
perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure
that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending time
lamenting what you failed to accomplish and should have done differently
instead of moving forward, excited about what you’ve achieved and what you will
accomplish in the future.
13. You appreciate what you have
Taking
time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the right thing to
do; it also improves your mood by reducing the stress hormone cortisol (in some
cases by 23 percent). Research conducted at the University
of California , Davis
14. You disconnect
Taking
regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep
your stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself
available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of
stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even–gulp!–turning off your phone gives
your body and mind a break. Studies have shown that something as simple as an
email break can lower stress levels. Technology enables constant communication
and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely
difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an email with the
power to bring your thinking (read: stressing) back to work can drop onto your
phone at any moment.
15. You limit your caffeine
intake
Drinking
excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, which is the
primary source of a fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism
sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival.
This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re
responding to a curt email. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this
hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. Caffeine’s
long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time working its
way out of your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and
they don’t let it get the better of them.
16. You get enough sleep
It’s difficult to overstate the
importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your
stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling
through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams)
so that you wake up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their
self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when they don’t get
enough–or the right kind–of sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.
17. You stop negative self-talk in its tracks
The more you ruminate on negative
thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just
that–thoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or never happens,
this is just your brain’s natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the
frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate
their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and
move toward a positive, new outlook.
18. You won’t let anyone limit your joy
When your sense of pleasure and
satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer
the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good
about something they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks
take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to
what others think, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can
always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what
other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.
No comments:
Post a Comment