The 3 most important skills you need to be successful in life
By Mark Ford | Dec
18, 2015
Today,
I'd like to talk about the most important skills we need to be successful in
life.
I've
been thinking about this subject for several decades. I hope what I'm about to
say will be helpful to you.
I've
identified about a dozen skills I believe are important to a successful life.
Of these, three are fundamental: thinking well, speaking well,
and writing well.
At
some level, every human being can think.
But
some people, I'm sure you would agree, think better than others.
Thinking well
Thinking
well means having the capacity to reason. It means being able to assess,
analyze, and solve problems. It means being able to create and follow a trend
of thought.
It
means being able to distinguish good ideas from bad ones. It means
understanding logic.
Having
the ability to think well gives a person a great competitive advantage. It
allows him to solve problems and accomplish objectives quickly and efficiently.
It distinguishes him as a smart and capable person.
Thinking
well is the basis for both of the other important social skills, as you'll soon
see.
In
thinking about thinking, we must remember there's a difference between thinking
well and intelligence. Thinking well is a skill. Intelligence is a natural
capacity.
Having
sizable intellect is an indisputable asset. It makes learning how to think well
much easier... but it doesn't guarantee it. The world is full of intelligent
people who've never learned how to think well. They grow up to be adults who
don't have the intellectual capacity to fend for themselves. They live out
their lives dependent on the kindness of others.
Thinking
well, like any other skill, can be learned.
If
it can be learned, it can be taught.
And
teaching it to your children will fall primarily on your shoulders.
Government-run schools – and many private schools – have neither the interest
nor the ability to do this. The job is, and should be, up to you.
There
are at least three ways you can teach your children to think well.
The
most important way is probably through thoughtful conversation. Taking the time
to walk your children through problems and obstacles is invaluable. Asking them
questions and challenging their answers is also important.
And
finally, it's important to encourage them to have their own ideas. Society
wants to make us all think alike. You can't possibly be a good thinker unless
you have the temerity to think for yourself.
The
second most important way is probably through a good formal education. A good
formal education, in my view, is one that emphasizes the liberal arts:
literature, language, history, and the arts.
Some
knowledge of science and mathematics are helpful. But these skills aren't
likely to make you anything more than a successful or celebrated worker bee.
The skills you learn in liberal arts teach you how to think.
The
third way you can teach your children to think well is by exacting a diligent
control over their use of computers, video games, television, and the Internet.
My wife and I unplugged our televisions during the 25 years our children lived
at home. And we banned video games and encouraged our children to play games
that were educational.
Today,
there are hundreds of games you can download free or for a few dollars from the
Internet. These include fundamental thinking games about discrimination,
recognition, sorting, pairing, etc., and more advanced games that focus on
skills such as analysis and logic.
Speaking well
I'm
proud to say our children are reasonably proficient speakers. In my view,
speaking well is the second most important social skill.
As
with thinking well, we need to make a distinction here. Speaking well involves
grammar and diction. But these aren't as important as the ability to express
worthy thoughts concisely and clearly.
However
good your grammar and diction may be, you can't speak well if you have trouble
saying what you mean. To become a good speaker, you must practice the skill of
speaking concisely. You must also develop the habit of saying things worth
saying.
It's
amazing how many college-educated people I meet who can't speak well. They're
the people who have good ideas but can't express them. When trying to express
even a modestly complicated thought, they hem and haw and pepper their phrases
with expressions like "you know," "it was like," and so on.
Then, there are the articulate people who never say anything that's not shallow
or trivial.
Having
the ability to speak well is such a rare quality, possessing it immediately
separates you from most other people in the room. It'll give you the social
power they lack... even if they're richer, taller, and better looking than you
are.
How
do you teach your children to speak well?
Again,
the most important way is by speaking well yourself. A child's first and most
frequent exposure to the skill of speaking is with his parents. Small children
absorb the intricacies of language like sponges. If you want your children to
have this second most valuable social skill, speak thoughtfully when you speak
to them. And expect them to do the same with you.
Next,
you can encourage your children to speak well by insisting they take courses
that involve speaking in school. These are primarily liberal-arts courses, but
also any courses for which you can't get a grade simply by checking off boxes.
There's
also the Internet. There are dozens and dozens of applications available
that'll improve one's vocabulary and grammar. These aren't the most important
elements of speaking well, but they help.
Writing well
The
third most important social skill is writing well.
It
may seem that writing has become less important in the age of instant
messaging, but writing short communications is still writing.
And
as your child enters the workforce, writing well will become an increasingly
valuable skill. Having the ability to express himself or herself well in memos,
business letters, proposals, personal notes, and so on is a very powerful
skill.
Writing
well is dependent on speaking well, and speaking well is dependent on thinking
well. So, if you educate your children to think and speak well, it will be
quite easy to teach them to become good writers.
Again,
writing well is the skill of expressing worthy ideas concisely and clearly on
paper. Writing well demands some additional facilities beyond those of speaking
well. But for the most part, if you can speak well, you can write well.
The
most important way you can teach your children to write well is to insist they
spend some amount of time writing every day. You might encourage your children
to write letters to an out-of-town relative or find a pen pal through one of
the supervised pen-pal sites on the Internet.
Thinking,
speaking, and writing well are the three most important social skills. If your
children learn these, they'll be set for life.
They'll
have the abilities to analyze problems and find solutions for them, and thus be
seen as problem solvers. They'll be able to stand out in any social group (at
work or outside of work), thanks to their ability to express good ideas
concisely and clearly.
Plus,
if they acquire good manners, they won't have to pay the cost of treating other
people badly.
4 Surprising Skills All Successful People Require
By Keven Daum
| Aug 25, 2014
There are
all sorts of skills that can contribute to success. But these 4 are critical.
Without them, you'll never make it.
Want to be successful? You have to start with you. So much is written
about generosity and empathy being important skills for success, and they are.
But these outward-facing skills only come with the complete knowledge and
control of oneself.
Your
mother probably told you to think of others first and often, that the world was
not about you. And yet even those who are the most generous and empathetic had
to focus strongly inward to create the wealth and connections that allow them
to positively influence the world. Sure, the traits below are very
self-focused, but you can't possibly benefit other people without getting your
own house in order.
1. Self-Awareness
Do you
truly understand who you are? Are you aware of how you make people feel and
react by the things you say and do and even more the ways you say and do them?
Many people don't have a good sense of their outer being. They go through their
day reacting and doing while not even realizing what comes out of their mouths
or how their actions affect the people around them. Commit time to getting to
know yourself, especially from the outside. Invite others to share their
observations of your behavior and attitudes. Don't just focus on your positive
attributes.
Go to
those you know will be honest and spend time learning about your potentially
challenging attributes as well. The more you understand about how you affect
people the better you can motivate them to join you in a worthy cause. Then you
can decide whether to keep, adjust, or eliminate behaviors in order to reach
your preferred future.
2. Self-Confidence
If you
don't believe in yourself, why would anyone else? When you're a successful
leader, people want to believe you know where to go and have some idea of how
to get there. They are dealing with their own insecurities and don't really
have additional tolerance for yours if you are in charge. That may be unfair,
but reality is not generally a function of fairness. Being self-confident does
not mean you have to know all the answers. But it does mean you must have the
inner strength and knowledge to address any given situation or obstacle that
may come your way. Experience helps, but it is a combination of
resourcefulness, resolve, and humility that will make most people, even you,
believe in your leadership.
Take
stock of what you do well. Identify your areas of insecurity and create a plan
to remedy those areas through education and support, remembering that the only
one who can truly make you confident is you.
3. Self-Assessment
Life
moves fast and opportunities can go as quickly as they present themselves. You
don't always have time to consult with others as to whether or not your current
capabilities are up to the challenges headed your way. Still you need to gauge
if you are on the right path or change is immediately required.
Self-encouragement is great but if you can't be realistic about your levels and
limitations, you'll crash and burn far more than you'll succeed. No one should
know you better than you.
Create
self-diagnostics that expose your weaknesses and perform so you can shore up
your weaknesses with learning, partnership, or delegation. The joy of informed
success far outweighs the tragedy of ignorant failure.
4. Self-Discipline
Any
success worth having doesn't come easy. It requires focus and determination.
Growth occurs from careful analysis and practiced performance. Inconsistent
attempts to succeed will fail more often than not. If you could just take a
shot and make it happen, more people would be successful. But it's the people
who get more things right who ultimately win. Self-discipline keeps you on the
straight and narrow, avoiding distractions or taking the easy way out of
challenges.
Even
if you are not ordinarily a planner, write down bullet points or steps to your
success. Use the skills above to figure out the work you need to do to get
there. Then measure your progress regularly so you can tell where you are being
your own greatest supporter or worst enemy. Once you know, the rest is up to
you.
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